37
Prince George’s Park
NUS,
Singapore, 118430
(+65)
93235023
2013/02/20
QiongYou Wang
Hebei Road, Langjiayuan, Yard 6, Beijing
People’s
Republic of China, 100022
Dear Sir / Madam
I am writing to apply for the Mobile
Product Operation Specialist position advertised in the Sina Weibo.
My name is Dong Haoxuan, and I am currently a sophomore student studying in
National University of Singapore (NUS), major in Computer Engineering.
QiongYou is a marvelous website designed
and targeted for the benefit of the backpackers. Since I was a Junior College
(JC) student, it is been my dream to become a backpacker who travels around the
world to experience the beauty that the nature provide us. After my graduation
from JC, I did not hesitate to embark on a journey of my own. I have been to 24
provinces in China, 48 different cities, including Taiwan, Hong Kong and Macau.
Inspired by the post and guide of peer backpackers on QiongYou, I have found
new and amazing ways to appreciate the wonderful nature in which the Earth has
embraced us. With the great passion and first-hand experience, I believe that I
would be the perfect person to work with to make QiongYou even a better place
for the backpacker.
Besides the passion for travelling, as a
Computer Engineering student, it is my specialty to deal with software and
data. Through my courses in NUS, I have learnt and developed skills that would
be perfect to be a mobile product operation specialist. I have been working in
a team to develop software of my own which helps people to manage their tasks
and schedule. On top of that, I have also been learning mobile application
programming language such as Objective-C. Furthermore, during my first year of
study, I have taken a psychology module that allows me to work in teams to
discover the behavior pattern of different people. This helps me to understand
better when people make choices under different circumstances. All the above are
the skills that I could bring to the team in the future if I would be given the
opportunity to work as a mobile product operation specialist.
The learning journey in NUS not only
provides the knowledge I eager to acquire, but also teaches me the importance
of positive attitude and teamwork. With great obstacles faced during studying
and backpacking through different terrain and weather, I have nothing but
stronger and more willing to take on new challenges. The immersion with
different cultures and the experience on working with great teams also equip me
with the weapon I fight for future problems. Therefore, I believe I would be
the perfect candidate for the position and hope you would think the same.
You can contact me anytime via email at
aticni@hotmail.com or my cell phone, (+65) 93235023. Thank you for your time
and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you about this internship
opportunity.
Yours sincerely
Dong Haoxuan
Hi Haoxuan!
ReplyDeleteMy command of English language is not that fantastic hence i might not be able to spot all the grammatical errors if they are any. However, I can give you my opinions and feedback regarding your application letter. Haha! It will be better if you can get more people to double proofread it for you.
First of all, since you are using "Dear Sir/Madam", it shouldn't be "Yours sincerely" at the end but "Yours faithfully".
For the second paragraph, you mentioned that your passion is backpacking which is one of the main focuses of the company. Maybe you can link how your passion allows you to design a better mobile product.
Those in CAPS are those changes that I have made.
“EVER Since I was a Junior College (JC) student, it has been my dream to become a backpacker who travels around the world to experience the beauty that the nature provide us.” Maybe you can stop at “ … travel around the world”. I feel that “to experience the beauty that the nature provide us” can be omitted since it is not the key factor.
“With great obstacles faced during MY STAY IN NUS and backpacking through different terrain and weather, I have GAINED nothing but stronger and more willing to take on new challenges”.
“equip me with the weapon I NEED TO fight for future problems.”
“Therefore, I believe I would be the perfect candidate for the position and hope you would think the same.” I think the last part should be excluded.
Overall, I think your application letter was pretty decent. You outlined why you are a suitable candidate for this position with your passion in backpacking and your ability to produce good results. Just a side note, you might want to write more about your capability and skills instead of your passion in backpacking. After all, it is a mobile product operation specialist position. I hope these help! Haha!
Thanks for your comment, it's a great help!
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